Do over

Dear Universe,

I would officially like to have a do-over for last night. Here's why:

It approached a triple digit heat index yesterday. The air was literally soupy, and so, instead of heading home and running the requisite mileage on my to-do list, I worked late, got home late, and immediately poured a glass of wine. (Just to make sure I wasn't tempted at the last minute to run anyway). After reassuring my hounds that they were still the center of my universe, I heated up up some delicious leftovers and proceeded to spread the flesh of my butt out as wide as possible in the comfiest chair in my living room in front of netflix. (I should mention here that I was HOME ALONE. A*L*O*N*E* This never happens to me. It's like a freaking gift from God to know that I have hours of ME TIME where I can do whatever ridiculous thing I want without being made fun of or given a hard time. Kids are OOT and husband was at a concert about an hour away. WHOOOPEEEEEEE! So, the "do whatever I want," last night, was to watch British historical docudramas with reckless abandon)

About 40 minutes in to Pillars of the Earth (oh yes, it doesn't get any more historically drama-ey than THAT!) I looked outside and realized that the entire Western horizon was black. Not black because it was nite-nite time, black because perhaps it was the apocalypse....or a tornado and either way I contemplated heading for the basement to hide from the winged horsemen or flying cows. Instead I whipped up the internet to confirm that it was weather VS apocalypse (because had it been the later I had a few quick calls to make) only to lose power after briefly seeing a purpley line of storms on the radar. The power also fizzled out during the first sex scene between Tom the Builder and that "no I'm not a witch" female lead whose name escapes me.

DAMN IT!

I hung around, hopefully, through thunder and lightening hoping the power would return. Only it did not. Giving up around 8:45, I headed to bed, only to discover that without power, the triple digit heat index had somehow found its way into my bedroom. I was so hot that I stuck to the sheets. I opened the window, to at least create the illusion of a breeze, but I wasn't fooling anyone.

The strange thing, when the power goes out, is how quiet the neighborhood becomes. Spooky, really. Why was everyone being so quiet? I knew we all had to have our windows open. Was everyone else just lying naked and nauseous in their beds like I was? I pondered the image of all my neighbors lying stickily on top of their sheets praying for power. This did not help me sleep at all, but somehow I dozed off eventually, only to be awakened by the dogs barking b/c the man was home.

At first this made me (somehow) even grumpier because it had only gotten hotter, and I could hear him crashing around downstairs which was anti-sleep inducing for me. Fortunately I resisted yelling at him, because seconds later he appeared with a fan, and a power cord, one end of which he promptly tossed out of the bedroom window and then disappeared again. More crashing and then an odd clicking and then whirring sound on our deck followed by a very loud engine noise. The fan sprung to life. Like a phoenix from the flame of my despair, my husband had started the generator.

Praise be to Allah and all that is Holy! Momentarily concerned that the neighbors would revolt, kill us and take the generator (mostly because it is so loud) I was overwhelmingly comforted by the cool feeling of drying sweat on my skin and I put the worry from my mind.

Unfortunately, the generator could not power the tv, the wii and net flix, however, so, Lord, may I please try that all over again tonight, only this time, hold off on the thunderbolts and lightning until Tom and the Witch are post-coital and I am sound asleep? Thank you and Amen.