Friday, May 18, 2012

Dear Google

I love you.  Really, I do.  But PLEASE stop asking me for my effing cell phone number every time I log in.

You're starting to become almost as annoying as my bank, where I have this conversation every time I'm at the window.  (To anyone under 25:  the "window" is the place INSIDE the building, where there's a person called a "Teller", and where you can conduct "transactions" like, getting cash, depositing cash, etc. in person, without having to push any buttons, or sit in a long line of traffic.)

Teller:  Hello!  Welcome to (Shall Remain Nameless So It Doesn't Constitute Slander) Bank, how may I serve you?  (Which IMMEDIATELY and ALWAYS makes me want to ask for a vodka tonic, so I hesitate for a second)

Me:  Hi, I'd like to cash this check please.  (Under 25s:  A check is a special piece of paper, that you fill out and sign that allows you to get money out of your account without using a piece of plastic or pushing any buttons)

Teller:  Great, I am happy to help you with that.  Please swipe your debit card in the machine here.

Me:  I don't have a debit card, here is my license.

Teller:  ...................... You don't HAVE a debit card?

Me:  No

Teller:  Well, let's get you a debit card!

Me:  I don't need a debit card, thank you.

Teller:  .....................................You don't NEED a debit card? 

Me:  Nope, I would never use it.

Teller:  Oh, well, it would make all of your transactions so much easier!  You need a debit card!  You could just SWIPE the card into the machine when you come in to cash checks!

Me:  But I don't need a debit card to cash a check.  I signed the check.  I'm showing you my drivers license, that's all I need to do to cash my check, RIGHT?

Teller:  (At this point in the conversation, for some reason, this is suddenly a personal affront to the Teller who gets a little bit indignant and huffy, pauses for a second, and then says, snarkily....) Well, of course, but how do you use the ATM?

Me:  I don't use the ATM.  I just cash checks.  It keeps me from spending money too quickly.  I really don't want a debit card.  Thank you.

Teller:  ...........................................................You don't WANT a debit card? 

And then the Teller and I have this little staring contest, until she finally sighs, heavily and cashes my check.

The irony in all of this is that the transaction, would, certainly have been much quicker if I had a debit card that I could have just freaking swiped and avoided this showdown and the Bank-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless (BANK OF AMERICA) Corral.  I have, actually, finally trained one certain Teller to the point where she says (loudly of course, as if I'm 14 and buying condoms) before I even get to her little window "I know, I know, you don't WAAAAAANT a debit card, hahahahahaha."    hmmmpf

So.  That's a long way of saying, Dear Google, that I'm pretty sure I can just stare you down on this issue, so it's in all of our interests for you to stop asking for my cell phone number just in case my email account is disabled.  I'm on to you.

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