Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Horrible, shocking self-discovery

I am totally and completely addicted to caffeine. 

Here's how I know this.

I had to have a "Biometric Screening" done this morning.  That's a fancy way of telling you that you're going to have to stand on the scale, give up some blood and get an admonishing look from a nurse when she tells you what your cholesterol numbers are.  Now, this particular screening was free, which was great, since I just had one done for my daughter, and I paid $150 out of pocket for the part that her insurance didn't cover, so I was all over it.  In any event, you have to FAST in order to get an accurate reading.  And the appointment was at 9:40 a.m.

A.  I woke up grumpy and anxious because I knew I couldn't have coffee (well, I could have, except I can't drink my coffee without milk, so therefore I couldn't).  Apparently I bit almost every one's head off at home.  They scattered the minute they realized what was happening.  Self-preservation is a strong instinct in my gene pool, thank goodness.

B.  I somehow made it to work without running off the road or killing anyone.  I even navigated the parking garage which is a complete and total clusterF***.

C.  I got the absolute DUMBEST, most IDIOTIC, INANE, INFANTILE emails between 8:00 and 9:30 a.m. this morning.

And then, it dawned on me.  It wasn't that those emails were more idiotic than normal, it's just that WITH caffeine, I am better equipped to respond without actually telling people how stupid I think they are being.  Caffeine is a tool, without which I cannot deal with the sad sad reality of life.

Wow.  Huge light dawning over cloudy skies.  Ironically, this does not make me want to give up caffeine.  In fact, this makes me want to drive to the grocery store, buy every bag of java they have and start a stockpile in my basement because I am going to be in big big big trouble if ever I run out of coffee. 

Yes, that's right Jack Nicholson, I just can't handle the truth.  And I'm okay with that.


p.s.  It turns out that (aside from the aforementioned issue) I'm REALLY REALLY healthy.  ha!


Friday, September 23, 2011

Just, you know, thinking about it.....

It looks kind of crazy from this angle, but I have to say that actually looks like fun to me.  As long as I'm not stuck in the middle.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I am not dead. I promise.

In fact, I post this photo of my brand new running shoes to prove it!

Since I don't have time to post anything clever, however, I'll share an oldie but a fave of mine with you:

I introduce you to Capucine, who is quite possibly the cutest child on the planet  (except yours and mine, of course!)

It helps if you speak french, but, si non, she is still adorable!

Friday, September 2, 2011

For the newly human

I've decided to start a new series of posts.  It is designed for those who are "newly" human.  In truth, I don't know how often this happens, but it occured to me the other day, how hard it would be if you suddenly became human as an adult.

You see, the way it works now, you're born, you grow up...that's all one giant orientation process.  If you were, however, suddenly thrust into birth in your middle forties, you'd be a hot mess until you got up to speed.

I'm pretty sure that there are some helpful hints the rest of us adult human's could provide.

At the top of my list today are the following:

1.  People do not always say what they mean or mean what they say.
2.  When you open a container of yogurt, peel it away from yourself because they ALWAYS seem to explode a little bit and it is usually on your nice white sweater.

When I asked my son for some suggestions he said:  "Duh!  Don't forget to breathe."  I wouldn't have thought of that, but, clearly, he is correct.

I'm open to suggestions here.