Holiday Stress

The only less restful thing than preparing for the holiday is preparing to TRAVEL for the holiday. HOLY CRAP:


Decisions I have to make (because I am a crazy person):

How many people do I put on payroll as a back up in case the dog sitter (who is not actually sitting, but who will have to come to the house twice a day to feed/water/pee) doesn't show??? Do I put my sister in law AND the neighbor girls? Or just the neighbor girls? Do I tell the dog sitter that I've hired back up because I don't want him to be surprised or offended or don't I, in case he decides "eff it, the neighbor girls are doing it anyway?"

Since we won't be home on Xmas, and we can't pack presents in our luggage, I still feel like I need to do SOMETHING to mark the occasion, so I have packed stockings (though not our real ones, because god forbid we lose those) so I have "stand in" stockings (and 3m hooks, because otherwise how would we hang them in our room.  Seriously, this is the level of minutea that clogs my brain on a daily basis.) what do I now buy to go in the stockings? Little things, but not food, because the luggage may end up in the hot sun waiting for us, but something that is "trip related" so it is meaningful, but I also don't want to spend MORE money than I already have, but I don't want to pack cheesy stupid crap.  Can I just fill them with sunscreen and Dramamine?  Too impersonal? 

What the EFF does one wear on a cruise? I have the evenings nailed down (two full length gowns, 10 cocktail dresses and two suits and two tuxedos later (yes, seriously, and the requisite footwear).....) but considering the decreasing free space in my suitcase (oh because I also bought Santa hats for everyone because how awesome will it be to take a family photo on the BEACH on Christmas in our Santa hats (only I had to buy one for EVERYONE, so now I'm packing 10 Santa hats in my suitcase) do I pack shorts? I'm so fat nothing fits, so I don't have any cute capris or anything, (plus I hate capris) so do I just pack jeans? My bathing suit doesn't fit, I haven't shaved north of my knees in so long I'm afraid to look, and I have a black toenail that is falling off (thank you running....I can't seem to lose weight with all these miles but I'm really going through the toenails!)  It's going to be unavoidably warm in the Caribbean. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.......

I took boxes to the UPS store to mail for Xmas today, and collectively, the cost to pack and mail exceeded the value of the gifts (not really, but almost) so of course now I'm driving around town with a trunk full of denial that I don't know how to pack and ship but need to figure out a plan for before, what....tomorrow?

I need a Valium.