Monday, July 30, 2012

Never.....ever ever!

I try to stay away from saying things like "I never....." because life is funny and has a vicious and sneaky sense of irony and the minute you utter those words you've laid a very tempting little trap for the Fates.


I made a little mental list of things this weekend that, at this discerning "middle" age that I have achieved, I am going to confidently set forth as things I never plan to do:

I am never going to get a big whopping tattoo on the front of my chest.  Not that there is anything wrong with this, it's just not for me.

I am never going to dreadlock my hair. At least not on purpose, though I can see after four days at festival without a proper shampooing, how easy this would be to accomplish.  Ditto, if this is your thing, and you can manage to hold down a job somewhere with such a coiffure, then kudos to you.

I am never going to gauge my ears. (if you don't even know what this means, then you can just go ahead and add this to your 'never' list, too ).  There is something wrong with this.  It looks unattractive, and painful and is a bit of a liability when twirling about in a crowd of people.

I am never going to be up at 4 am leading a drum circle around a campfire.   This is not wrong. Just a little annoying.

I am never going to use a port-a-potty barefooted. Never never. I will pee in the grass, next to it before I will walk in there without shoes.  This is SO SO wrong. Period.

The fact that I will never do any of those things singularly, sets me wildly apart from a very large group of folks who were doing those things in tandem or triplicate all around me this weekend.

I had my moments of hippiness. (right?  I know at least one of you was with me during this phase). It's just that, somehow, in the fading light of my memory, we were cleaner. And we smelled better. And we had enough sense not to contract ringworm.

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