Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Helter Swelter

It's hot out there people. Really hot. Like almost too hot to go to the pool, because it's too hot to get in your car to drive there and too hot to walk across the parking lot and too hot to sit on the pool deck, so staying home and laying on the sofa, under the fan, and staring blankly outside as if you've completely lost your senses sounds like the only feasible option for dealing with a day like today.

I've come to realize though, that teenagers have a certain innate weather-immunity. For example, they can sled in sub zero wind chill for far long than I can before they lose feeling in their extremities.

They can also walk a mile to the pool in triple digit weather without really batting an eye and without appearing to melt. (God forbid I ask them to clean their rooms, however, you'd think I was asking them to prance naked through molten lava. Why do we always describe lava as "molten"? Isn't that oxymoronic? But I digress).

Why is this? I've decided they are fortified by the ambient immunity of other teenagers. When congregated their collective pheromones create a weather-repelling force field that enables them to exude a much stronger tolerance of adversity.

"Can I have a ride to the pool?" (It usually starts, because, come on, teenagers are inherently lazy)
"Nah....it's too hot, and my backside is stuck to the sofa and I can't seem to move. Sorry dear. Why don't you go clean your room? I'll take you to the pool tomorrow."
"Ummmmm, no I really want to go to the pool....." (subtext: Paul, Peter, and Priscillia are all already at the pool and I'm probably missing some major drama)
No response from me because, as I mentioned, I've lost the ability to speak due to the humidity level.
"Okay, well, I'm going to WALK to the pool then."

And so teenager walks, successfully, through the Kalahari desert to the watering hole, without being attacked by lions or alligators, while I, on the other hand, have been eaten alive by my sofa cushions. If you're reading this, could you please bring me a Popsicle?

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