Monday, February 14, 2011

The PTO done lost its mind....

Last night I received the following email request from my son's middle school PTO:

Dear Parents,

We are in desperate need of the following items:

100 Mini Milky Way bars
100 Mini Mars Bars
100 Pop rocks- in individual boxes
100 Mini moon pies
100 Hersey kisses
100 Starbursts candy
8 boxes of the 36 count standard size Hersey’s chocolate bars
8 dozen frozen fruit punch mixes & 10 64 oz gingerales
200 Ring Pops
Multitudes of Homemade sweet snacks, candy cookies, treats with a "planetary" theme

Actors to dress up as movie stars and red carpet greeters, e.g. Joan Rivers, etc.
"Hot rods" or other "fancy cars" that will be parked outside
Enough gift cards from (Dairy Queen, McDonalds, Starbucks, Smoothie King, etc.) for each child to go home with one in their gift bag.

Items are needed for the 8th grade graduation dance.

Maybe it's just because it's Monday, and I'm tired, or old, or tired AND old, but this request made me completely lose my mind.

This is not a wish list for a graduation event. This is a recipe for a mass casualty disaster.

Oh my god, really?  Perhaps I am still suffering from PTSD for Friday night's Jazz Band incident (wherein my son had a mountain dew-induced meltdown of Charlie Sheen hotel-wrecking porportion).  But, in his defense, there was not a healthy snack in sight that evening.  SODAS, CUPCAKES, CANDY....the healthiest thing they had to offer was Domino's Pizza (which we all know is sauce covered crack).  No wonder everyone is so EFFING FAT, DEPRESSED and CRAZY.

What are we telling our children?  We are so proud of you for surviving what are possibly the three most socially awkward and damaging years of your, double fist some sugar and caffeine and have your photo taken with the Queen of Mean.  What a perfect send off. 

I cannot wait for this super fun event.  I hope my son elects to just stay home.

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